Wednesday, August 13, 2014

My Puppy Ate a Bee. That is not a Euphemism.

Let me start out this post by saying my puppy is totally fine. 

But this morning, Jewels was sitting on the porch, and this bee starts flying around her head. She watches it for a few seconds, and then she leaps toward it and gulps it down. 

Yep. My puppy ate a bee. 

She shook her head several times, which makes sense because bees can be hard to swallow.

I want to ask her about her thought process. 

Was it like this: 
Hey! It's flying... It's yellow... It has a stinger... It must be FOOD!!!

Or maybe:
I wonder if it will still make that buzzing sound on the inside? I MUST KNOW!!

Or maybe:
If I ingest it, I might acquire its powers. I've always wanted to fly! (Spoiler alert: she can't fly).

It's not like she was hungry. She'd just had breakfast and a puppy treat. No, she made a conscious decision to eat the bee, and then she snatched it out of the air like a frog would snatch a fly. 

Kid C is very worried about her. After all, there's a chance the bee might sting Jewels on its way out. I tried to assure him that Jewels' digestive juices will probably disintegrate the stinger. Because these are things moms just know. Mother's intuition, call it. Like don't swim after eating... I know you're hiding something behind your back... Puppy digestive juices will take care of a stinger pre-defecation...


She's sleeping peacefully right now. That is hopefully a sign the bee is dead.

We learned a powerful lesson today, which is: How do you eat a bee? One bite at a time.

Thursday, August 7, 2014

My Latest Book News! And introducing the Lady Janies.

Hey y'all! 

So some of you mentioned the fact that my writing advice introductory video http://youtu.be/f1hUdo0PsbA doesn't have any actual writing advice.

This is for two reasons:

1. It's an introductory video.

2. Mama always said, if you want the milk, you have to milk the cow. 

Wait a second. She said if you want to pay for milk, you have to buy a cow. No, wait. If you want to attract a cow, don't buy milk from another cow. Actually I'm not sure how the saying goes. But I'm pretty sure she meant, "If you want writing advice, you'll have to wait until the person giving the advice makes a video about it."

Secondly, I have some great news! I'm writing a book with my besties Cynthia Hand (the Unearthly series) and Jodi Meadows (the Incarnate series) and HarperCollins just bought it!

Here's the announcement:


Told in the vein of The Princess Bride
Comic retelling of a girl who was queen for nine days and then got her head chopped off! Hilarious!

We are so excited! Here is our own YouTube discussion of the project, and our introduction to the Lady Janies YouTube channel! (You can subscribe if you feel so inclined. We will have lots of fun stuff going on there, like giveaways and shenanigans and chaos). 



So, that's the latest! 

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

My New Series on Writing Advice... and... a Puppy!

Hey y'all.

So my break from blogging turned out to be a really really big break from blogging. But I had a good excuse. I was getting my nails done. 

Not to go all poetic on your bums, but I can't help it: My intended break was but a drop, my actual break was an ocean. My intended break was a grain of sand, my actual break was the beach. My intended break was the color red, my actual break was the number 42. (Okay, by now, I'm not even following along).

The previous paragraph might make you think, "Why would I ever take writing advice from the author of that odious passage?"

To which I answer, "Aren't you impressed I used the phrase 'odious passage?'" Without even googling "phrases only erudite people say"?

I feel that I might be losing you. So, I will randomly insert a picture of my new cute puppy. She fell asleep while eating my shoe. 


There. Do I have your attention again? Excellent. So, onto the writing advice series. Every writing advice series needs an introductory video. So, here is the introductory video. It is only 30 seconds long, but it will tell you everything you need to know about my writing advice series. And... it might just save your life.   



I am also going to update my books page and appearances page. Because I'm pretty sure I've had a third book come out. And I'm pretty sure I have a couple of more announcements to make regarding forthcoming books. 

So... what have y'all been up to this past year? Any news to celebrate? Any annoying people in your life to curse? My favorite way to get back at people is to make a voodoo doll of the offender, and then, while the doll is asleep, stick the doll's hand in a bowl of warm water. I will be happy to help any of you to do that. 

Monday, January 13, 2014

EVERTRUE LAUNCH, and Heads Up, Austin and Nashville

Hello Lovelies! 

Just a heads up:

The final book in the Everneath trilogy, EVERTRUE, is coming out a week from tomorrow. A WEEK FROM TOMORROW! 



Y'all are invited to a launch party that night! 

January 21st, 2013
at The King's English 
7:00 p.m. 

Here are some other Appearances I'll be making!  

Austin, Texas
January 28, 2014 
6:30pm – The Book Spot (Round Rock) – with Jodi Meadows


Nashville, Tennessee
January 31, 2014 
6:30pm -- Parnassus – with Jodi Meadows, C.J. Redwine, and Myra McEntire

Friday, September 6, 2013

I'm Baaaaaaaaack! And let me tell you about a Great Writer's Conference!

(Imagine the title of this blog said in a creepy "Jack Nicholson" All-Work-And-No-Play kind of voice.)

(Oh wait... He never says "I'm baaaaaaack", right? He says "Heeeeeeeere's Johnny".)

(So which movie has the guy saying, "I'm baaaaaaaaack?")

(Should a blog post start out with this many parentheses?)

(No)

Hey y'all! I'm back from my summer blogging break. You didn't know I was taking a summer blogging break, did you? Well, neither did I. But the suits who run this blog (they don't exist) insisted I take a break (because I'm totally lazy). 

(By the way, we have officially reached the world record for "Most Parentheses in a Single Blog Post.")

(They will be awarding me the Parenthetical Crown tonight in a special ceremony). 

(Do periods go outside the parentheses? Or inside?.).

Anyway, the reason I'm here is to tell you about an awesome writing conference! For writers! It's this thing:

(contrary to what is being advertised, no writers will be put under literal construction)
I will be delivering the keynote address. Which means I will be using my entire repertoire of cuss words (because I swear like a sailor when I'm nervous). 

Here's what the organizers have to say: “The $49 includes a catered lunch and the day offers networking opportunities and book signings with our authors. Whether writing fiction, non-fiction, or for adults, young adults, or children, there’ll be something for everyone.”

Are you a writer who would like to connect with other writers, be inspired, or learn some crafty stuff? Then this is the place for you! You can register here.

Also, for those of you who will be at Salt Lake Comic Con, I'll be speaking on a panel Saturday at noon. And if that isn't enough to entice you to go, I will be wearing an elf costume. 

Hope to see you at either of these thingees! 

Now... how was your summer?


Monday, May 27, 2013

My Adventure at the RT Convention... and Other Stuff. With Pictures!

So I've been hesitant to blog lately. The reasons for this are twofold: (Seriously, I look for any excuse to say the word "twofold" or "threefold" or "thricefold". I don't know why)

1. Because it's been a few weeks, and I would have a lot to catch y'all up on...

2. There is no two. (Remember the extremes I go to just to use the word "twofold"?)

But now I just have to bite the bullet. And it tastes metally. 

Here's what I've been doing the last few weeks (and the accompanying pictures): 

Sold books at the EDGEFEST concert in Dallas Texas...
(Answering the age old question: Can authors jump simultaneously?? Um... almost, but no.)

Then I went to the Romantic Times Convention in Kansas City. I knew I was in the right place, because here is the room key...
I further knew because he was waiting for me in my room. Kidding. 

I also knew I was in the right place because there was a giant poster for Sharon Page...
Oh, and for me too! 
 One of the best parts of the convention is getting together with author friends, old and new!
A table full of YA Authors, including: Suzanne Lazear, Josephine Angelini, Victoria Scott, Kiera Cass, Amy Plum... and more)
On a whim, as I was passing a haircuttery in a mall, I bounced in and chopped my locks! And then the hair dresser was like, "Stop chopping your own locks! I'll cut it! I'll CUT IT!"
Do not adjust your screen. That's not a boy you see there, that's me!  

I met the guy (Brady!) who filmed both of my awesome book trailers...
Brady, sizing me up and making the correct decision NOT to put me in the EVERTRUE trailer...)
And just because it was a random weekend, have you ever wondered what an elevator full of YA authors looks like?  
We made many great memories in that elevator... And by memories, I mean we rode it up, and then down as needed. 
  I signed books in between Jennifer Armentrout and Leigh Bardugo...
Leigh said she was pulling a "Ned Stark". And if you get that, then I love you. 
 Did I mention hanging out with a billion YA Authors? 
Okay, not quite a billion. Just under. 
 And when the food didn't come soon enough...


I tried out the panorama button on my iPhone...

Male model sandwich!

Seriously, friends for life...
(CJ Omololu, Zoraida Cordova, Victoria Scott, Corinne Jackson, Tamera Ireland Stone)
 I signed a buttload of books (remember, the "buttload" is an actual unit of measurement: A butt is defined to be 2 hogsheads, which in the US is 63 gallons)...
Many thanks to HarperCollins for sponsoring so many events, and for providing 63 gallons of books! 

I also attended the Whitney Awards Gala with a table full of my favorite people...
(including my agent Michael Bourret, My mom, Jeff Savage and his wife, James Dashner and his wife...)
 Oh yeah. I won a Whitney Award too...
Took me a while to figure out I could actually open the trophy, like a book. Okay, my agent had to point it out to me. He's so good at his job.

Phew. That was a lot. Now I feel like I can blog more regular-like, without my head exploding. (because there are currently brain bits splattered across my screen). 

So... what have y'all been up to??????????????????? Ew. A brain bit just made the question key stick...

Sunday, May 12, 2013

How I look to my Kid on this Mother's Day...

My Mother's Day Portrait, by Kid C. 

Before you judge, just know that I've always needed bigger arms to counteract my abnormally tiny legs...



Other than that, it's spot on. Long hair, constant smile, and no nose. That happens to be the look I strive for when I'm getting ready in the morning. 

Kid B made me a potted planter, full of pipe cleaners in the shape of flowers. 


When I picked the pot up, he changed his mind and decided it was for him. After accusing me of stealing it, he grabbed it out of my hands, emptied it of pipe cleaners and straightened each one of them out. Once there was no trace of the flower shapes, he took the fake grass and sprinkled it on the living room floor. 

Seeing my forlorn expression, he handed me a wadded up candy wrapper and said, "Happy Mother's Day." 

me (looking at the decimated carnage that was once a mother's day pot, and then at the garbage in my hand): "Um... thank you?"

him (beaming): "You're welcome!"

Happy Mother's Day to all of you women out there, kids or no kids, flowers or just pipe cleaners. And to those fathers pulling double duty. What did all y'all do today?