Friday, November 12, 2010

I Have a new Title... And Kid C Explains the Life and Death Consequences of Times Tables

It's time for...

Thing 1 and Thing 1!

Thing 1:
The title for my upcoming book has been officially changed from The Ever'neath to.... drum roll please... EVERNEATH!

You see how there's no "the" and no apostrophe? Also, there's no exclamation point. I just put that in there because I'm so excited I have an official title!

Not only that, but the new title means I've made up a word. (Okay, technically Bree Despain made up the word.) It's not an any dictionaries... yet. 

So, what do you think? Is this something you could get used to?

Thing 1:
In his second grade class, 7-year old Kid C has moved up from addition, to subtraction, and finally to multiplication. In order to pass off each level, the students have to finish a worksheet of problems in under 6 minutes.

Kid C was one of the first to reach multiplication, and he's been working his butt off to learn his times tables. The other night, it was time for bed, but he'd been practicing his worksheets and wanted to do more. 

I told him it was time to stop, because he had to get some sleep. He responded with, "What do you think this is, some sort of JOKE?!"

Apparently, second grade times tables are life and death. 
He then went on to say (and I hope I transcribed it all correctly):

"Mom, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns, who know their times tables. Who's gonna do it? You? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That Math Skills, while time-consuming, probably saves lives. 

"You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on my times tables, you need me on my times tables. We use words like honor, code, loyalty, and multiplication. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. 

"I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a woman who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a pencil, and do a worksheet. Either way, I don't give a darn what time my bedtime is!"

Seriously, what are they teaching these kids?

SCBWI Conference
This weekend I'm going to the SCBWI conference in downtown Salt Lake City. Sydney puts on a great conference every year. And it was two years ago at this conference that I met my awesome writers' group, The SIX. 

Anyone else going?


  1. I can just picture Kid C standing on his chair with us looking on as he gave that speech. That kid has a way with the spoken word.

  2. Has Kid C been watching A Few Good Men too many times again? I'm glad he had chosen to stand on that wall for us! We're still working with Necie to pass off those darn times tables but just in case, we keep telling her to squeeze that quarter between those cheeks of hers!

  3. Hey, Kid C has graduated from calling you Brodi to calling you Mom. Oh wait! You embellished what he said, didn't you? I knew it! The story isn't true. Now, I don't know what is true anymore! ;)

  4. Kid C always was a bit melodramatic, but at least he's taking his education seriously! I'm pretty sure I have never pushed back bedtime so I could do homework.

  5. Sam- He is very eloquent.

    Erin- If she can't be a brain, make her a beauty.

    Jenni- Okay, the truth is, he still calls me Brodi. Sometimes a girl can dream, though...

    Lulabell- I know! I don't know where he gets it from.

  6. Cool title, Brodi!

    I so wish I was going to the SCBWI conference, but I have other things going on. Dang it all! Hope it's a great time!

  7. I'm starting my 3 year old on times tables tonight. Congrats on an official title! That Bree, I hear she has a way with titles.

  8. Elana- Shoot! We'll meet up another time.

    Debbie- She does have a way with titles. I hear she's for hire too.

  9. LOVE the new title! Better, perfect. It's gonna fly far and fast! Awesome.

  10. ROFL - I was sure I could hear a little Jack Nicholson inflection going on there. That was delightful.

    Nice, subtle change with the title. Does it make you feel powerful to have (kinda) created a word?

    Titles can be the bane of my existence. Glad yours isn't.

  11. Cath- Thanks girlfriend.

    Donna- I'd feel even more powerful if it was actually me who made the word up. :)

  12. I love the title and I am so, so, so, sooooo excited for you. I am such a loser and haven't been able to keep up with blogs the last few months. I will repent with some...toffee?!?

  13. Cam- I would give Sam's left arm for some of your famous toffee!